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Master of Divinity

by Chris Dierkes

Yours truly now owns the ludicrous (and actually idolatrous) title of a Master of Divinity. MDiv. for short. Got to wear the silly robe and everything to prove it.

In other ludicrous news, I now have a Master’s Degree and work as a janitor custodian. My local church doesn’t appear to have any openings right now, so I’m waiting until they do before I am ordained a deacon (at which point I’ll be Deacon Dierkes which has a nice ring to it) and then priest.

Anyway, the only thing I could think about through the whole ceremony was this:

Update I (Day After):

I had to give a brief speech at the event last event, and some who were there wanted me to share the joke I told. Which is not my joke; it’s an oldie but a goodie–in fact maybe the greatest (clean) religious joke ever. So here ’tis.

A young man is recently ordained and sent for his first assignment to be the new pastor of a congregation. In an attempt to meet people from the congregation he goes on house calls to members of the church. He comes to one house in particular and knocks on the door, rings the doorbell, but no answer. Except that he can hear the television playing and see the lights are on. Slightly miffed, he leaves an index card on the door and writes on the card Revelation 3:20. That verse reads: “Behold I stand at the door and knock and if anyone opens the door, I will come in and sit with them.”

The following Sunday after the worship service, the minister is in the back of the church greeting people as they are leaving. A woman walks up to him and without saying a word hands him an index card. After everyone has left, he looks at the card. All that is written on the card is Genesis 3:10: “I heard thy voice, but I was naked and afraid, so I hid myself.”

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12 comments

1 sidereal { 05.12.09 at 12:06 am }: YOU HAVE THE POOOOWWWERRRR!!
2 Dara { 05.12.09 at 12:46 am }: The video clip got cut off in my Google Reader, and as I clicked over I was so desperately hoping it would be the final chorus of this: http://diamond.boisestate.edu/GaS/pirates/web_op/pirates14.html
3 Bob Cheeks { 05.12.09 at 3:46 am }: Congrats!!, now you can say “the ancient words.”
4 Alex { 05.12.09 at 5:57 am }: …may you never abuse your power.
My sister is an MDiv. She thinks that gives her the right to “rebuke” me if I ever mouth off to her…
5 E.D. Kain { 05.12.09 at 6:56 am }: Congratulations, Chris! That’s fantastic! Did you ever read Peace Like a River? The janitor thing made me think of it….
6 Will { 05.12.09 at 6:56 am }: Nicely done, Dierkes! May your priesting be serene and fulfilling. Or something.
7 Cascadian { 05.12.09 at 7:11 am }: Congrats. Vancouver is lucky to have your voice.
8 Freddie { 05.12.09 at 7:58 am }: Congratulations, Chris!
9 Dan Summers { 05.12.09 at 8:35 am }: As the partner of an Episcopal priest, I have seen first-hand how arduous it is to enter the priesthood and to find a church that can support one’s ministry. I offer my heartiest congratulations, and best wishes for a fulfilling and rewarding vocation.

And the silly robes are the best bit, as far as I’m concerned. The only thing that beats them is a pointy hat.
10 Chris Dierkes { 05.12.09 at 8:39 am }: Dara,

Sorry to disappoint. Apparently my aesthetic tastes are little less exalted than yours. :P
11 Chris Dierkes { 05.12.09 at 8:41 am }: thanks to everyone for the kind words.
12 Kyle Cupp { 05.12.09 at 11:23 am }: Great joke! And congrats!